Live replies, "Yeah to buy some more tight clothes."
Now this was the first casual Friday that I had ever participated in by wearing jeans. My jeans were skinny jeans to be fair, but nothing like hipster boy skinny jeans. It was more of a cigarette-leg, if you will.
Clearly offended, I said, "What are you talking about? My clothes are not that tight."
Liva: "You can hardly fit in them, they are ripping on the side."
Me: "Those are not rips. It's called distressing. It's supposed to look like that. They're made that way."
Liva: "You can hardly move in those. If you're pants get any tighter you're gonna be walking around like this." *Does a Frankenstein-style walk around the room.*
Needless to say, Liva ended her day on a yellow card and had to owe me five minutes of recess.
She greeted me this morning with, "Oh good, you finally repainted your finger nails."
Who knew 7-year-olds would be so judgmental about my appearance?
Out at recess one day I saw a group of my kids arguing on the soccer field. It was three of my girls against three of my boys. I went over to enjoy the drama and maybe tell them to stop if it wasn't anything entertaining.
Me: "What seems to be the problem here?"
Afia: "Jorge said Karla told him I like him, but I don't and Karla didn't say that."
Jorge: "Afia said Cristian told her I like her, but I don't and Cristian didn't say that."
Me: "So... let me get this straight. Afia, you like Jorge?"
Afia: "No! I don't!"
Me: "... and Jorge you like Afia?"
Me: "Ok then you don't like him, he doesn't like you. Nobody likes anybody. So what's the problem?"
Barrett, my sweet little boy who spends most of his recesses inventing new Tron video games (he's up to Tron 6) had sauntered up and started listening mid-argument. He chose this moment to pitch in and help me out.
Barrett: "Guys! You know what? It's ok. I have a crush on a girl in my video game!"
Katie: "Did you know that caffeine can cure headaches?"
Me: "Oh, it can?"
Katie: "Yeah... well on adults sometimes. If my mom has a headache she can have caffeine to make it better. But I'm too young, so it won't work on me."
Liva: "I am so glad my parents aren't addicted to drugs."
Claudio: "Miss Earl I created a new video game. It's called Claudio and Braxton Vs. Spongebob 2: It's About Time."
Me: "That's a pretty good name."
Claudio: "Wanna know what powers I have?"
Me: "I would love to, how about you tell me at recess?"
Claudio spent the rest of the day finding any moment besides recess to tell me all the various superpower capabilities that the characters in his game had. And it turns out, everyone in the class was a character in his game.
As I was walking by his desk he whispered, "Isaac has a blue suit for ice mode. He shoots frozen things. Like... frozen peas. Yeah, frozen peas."
He came to my desk to tell me, "Jorge can eat graves. He eats all the grave stones in the whole graveyard."
While he was sitting on the rug, I called on him to answer a question and he said, "Cristian A. has the power to shoot 500 boomerangs!"
When I went to help him on his worksheet he grabbed my hand and said, "You shoot fire out of your fingernails because they are red."
I don't know about you guys, but that sounds like a video game I would totally play.
Regina: "Miss Earl, you look like a grandma."
Alexandria: "I think you look like a very rich lady."
Liva: "I think you look like a baby angel. But only, your face needs to be a little bit shorter."
So I will now be describing my looks as... versatile?
I was working with a small group one day that normally gets pulled out by another teacher during that time.
Regina: "I wish we were going with Mrs. B today."
Me: "Mrs. B is really nice, isn't she?"
Regina: "Yeah, she's the best teacher ever."
Regina: "But Miss Earl, you are a way better teacher than Mrs. B."
Me: "Well, it's not a competition. But thank you very much."
Braxton: "Teacher, what if it was a competition?"
Cristian: "Yeah! Who would win?!"
Regina: "I think you would win Miss Earl. You are the bestest teacher."
Cristian: "I would say Mrs. R would win."
Me: "What? Mrs. R teaches third grade, you've never even had her."
Cristian: "Yeah. I know. But I hear she is really good."