Off to a Bumpy Start

We were a couple days into the school year, and I was still trying to get a feel for the kids in my class. It's hard replacing last year's kids that I learned to love so much, and I was just trying to keep an open mind. I went to pick my kids up from the cafeteria one day and I was greeted by one of my little girls, Haley. 

Now Haley and I had been having a little bit of a rough time in the classroom. She kept rolling her eyes at me when I would correct her. She would groan after every direction I gave. She would talk to her neighbors incessantly. Needless to say, we weren't super best friends at this point. 

So, as I said, I walked into the cafeteria to pick up my class and Haley greets me. It is also important that you know for the sake of the story that Haley is a homely little girl who has never met a chicken nugget she didn't like*. 

* I have since learned to love her, and we're chill now, so I'm allowed to say things like that. 

Haley circles me vulture-style for a while staring at my stomach, then finally says, "Is there a baby in there?!"

I smoothly replied, "No, Haley." while trying to herd the rest of my cats together. 

She continued to stare at me. "No teacher, it REALLY looks like there's a baby in there." 

"Well there's not, so get in line." 

Yeah, in case I didn't already dislike you enough, PLEASE keep telling me about how pregnant I look. 

Oh, but this didn't end there. 

The next day, one of my other little girls approaches me at my desk and says, "Teacher, are you really having a baby? Because Haley said you're having a baby." 

The next week, Haley greeted me on two separate mornings with, "Seriously teacher, I can't believe how pregnant you look today. " 

A few days after that I was in the hall taking care of a student who was throwing a tantrum. I opened the door to my classroom and it was like cockroaches running from the light- all my students quickly dashed back to their seats and tried to look nonchalant. 

"What's up guys?" I asked, my teacher senses tingling. 

"Nothing." Haley replied. 

"We have a secret!" Josh blurts out. 

"Oh, do you? Well, fill me in. What's the secret?" I asked. 

They all looked around the room at each other, nobody brave enough to be the one to spill the beans. I kept quiet and stared them down. Second graders aren't too tough to break. 

"The secret is you're having a baby!!!" Josh finally blurts. 

And this has been a common theme in my classroom all year. 

I am not having a baby. I am, however, renewing my gym membership. 

Thanks a lot second graders. 

No Filter

So, no, I didn't quit my job in the middle of the year. And no, my kids didn't magically stop being funny. They just stopped being funny to me. Ok, that's not true either. What can I say? My students are hi-larious, there just weren't enough hours in a day. Luckily, they give teachers the summer off to blog about all the mean things their students said to them throughout the year. Enjoy!

We had a bright young BYU practicum student on our Second Grade team for part of the semester. She came to work in my class one day and so I let her introduce herself at the beginning of class. When she was finished my kids all wanted to ask her questions, so we called on a few students. Inevitably, one of my students was finally brave enough to ask the class' favorite question: "Are you married?"
The BYU girl launches into this whole, "No, I'm not married, but I am dating someone so I do have a boyfriend. I mean we're not engaged or anything, but it's pretty serious, blah, blah, blah..." I wanted to roll my eyes and yell, "Hey lady, they're seven. A simple no will suffice."
But instead one of my girls interrupted her mid-rant and said, "Miss Earl, you have got to get out more! (turns to the BYU girl and points at me) Do you know SHE doesn't even have a BOYFRIEND?! She just hangs out with second graders."


A student runs up to my desk one morning and says, "I found your picture on the school website! You look not very good. I showed my older sister and she said you looked really not cute. I don't know why I felt like telling you that.."


On Fridays we have class meetings. We pass around the Magic Marker and everybody gets to say The Good News (one thing that's going well in our class), and The Bad News (one thing we need to work on).
On a typical Friday, The Good News is something like, "We have the best teacher." or "Nobody is being bullied." And The Bad News would be, "We have two yellow cards today." or "People are talking so Miss Earl gets mad."
On this Friday, one of my girls gets the marker in her hands and says, "The Bad News is that sometimes Miss Earl accidentally makes me feel completely useless." And then she looks at me with a smile. The whole class went quite and my boy sitting next to me went, "Oooo, burn...." I tried to look calm and composed when I asked, "What do I do that makes you feel useless?" To which she replied, "I said accidentally. It's just who you are."
Double burn.
*** Side note: When it came to getting her work done on time and being on task- she was pretty dang useless. But she was an excellent reader. ***


I was sitting on the bench at recess when one of my girls starts playing with my hair.
Girl: Be honest, did you shower today? Or yesterday?


This same girl stood about two feet away from the teacher's bench and said, "Miss Earl, I am pretty sure I can smell your deodorant from here."


One girl talking to another at recess:
Girl 1: Do you think I am skinny or fat?
Girl 2: You're skinny.
Girl 1: Yes I am. But my dad is fat, my mom is fat, my sister's really fat, and... (noticing me listening in) Miss Earl? Well, if I say what she is I don't think she will give me any more chocolate. (She gave me a devilish grin and ran away. I made her flip her card after recess, two can play at that game...)


I got new glasses and the first day I wore them to school they were quite the shock to my students. One boy walked in and said, "Miss Earl looks like a NERD!" From my desk, I said, "Cristian, did you just call me a nerd?" I looked back at him and his face just fell. He panicked. "No, no, no, no, no... I said you look like a dork!" he said with a proud, confident smile. Nice save.


I wore my hair with it's natural texture one day, and I hadn't for a long time. I walked in the room and one of my girls said to me, "You look like the wife of Frankenstein." To which another girl replied, "Yeah except for that doesn't make any sense because nobody will marry her."


I feel like I should make it clear that I love all my students, and they love me, too. Most days.

Suck in Space

By: Claudio

Warning: This book does not say and they live happele ever after. 

Claudio, Braxton, Danielle telaport in space! Claudio turned to fire boy! Braxton turned to bomb boy! Danielle turned to smash girl. They met ice boy in the planet cold cuts. He said, "Kira, for the space egg. So I need it back."

 Ice boy said. "Black sand guy said I think, I'll give you a hand superheroes. Without hands! ha.hah.ha!"

OH NO! 

"Purple minions are approaching," said fire boy.

"One of them are battle droids," said bomb boy. 

"Really light savers," said fire boy. "Is that go big boy? He lived in Donut Land. His revenge is the big pig!"

Also, Braxton's sister is Queen Aumudolea. 

Test: 

Where does he live? 

Who is this? 

How did bomb boy blow up? 

(Claudio brought this story he wrote over the long weekend to share with the class. After he read it aloud, he gave it to me and said, "You can have it so you can show it to Kendall." When I told Claudio that Kendall moved back to Washington he said, "You just call her on your computer camera Miss Earl. Trust me, she wants to read it.")

The Twelve Days of Christmas

On the first day of Christmas, 

My class got crafty, and made cinnamon ornaments for a tree. We cut them out on Friday and I left them to dry over the weekend. When I got in on Monday, I hid the dried ornaments in one of my cupboards so that they wouldn't be distracting to my kids. Still, they were very fragrant, so the second they walked in the room they smelled cinnamon and wanted to know exactly where the ornaments were. Barrett came in a little bit late and missed the hubbub about the ornaments. He put his backpack away and said, "What is that smell?" Having already threatened -er I mean told- my kids that if they let the ornaments distract them from doing their bell work we would not finish decorating them later in the day- everyone stayed quietly focused on their work.

Barrett: "Seriously guys, what is that smell? (turning to all the students at his table one by one) You smell that right? That smell. What is it? Do you smell that?" And not one student answered him.

Finally he turned to me and said, "Is that an actual smell that everyone smells? Or is Tinkerbell tickling my nose?"


On the second day of Christmas, 

Claudio chased Leslie, and tried to give her a kiss on her cheek. Claudio has always been a hugger, but recently he has been really into kissing people. Seriously. He will run up to one of his classmates, lock them in a big ole bear hug and kiss them on their cheeks. Girls, boys, doesn't matter who; Claudio loves everyone. I have found myself saying, "Hands free and lips free" an obscene amount these last couple of weeks. When I pulled him aside to tell him how inappropriate it was to kiss his classmates he just shook his fists at the ceiling.


On the third day of Christmas, 

Barrett said to me, something awesome- I think you'll agree. Every day I have to walk my kids out to the bus in a line and make sure that everyone gets on the right bus. Barrett is the first one we drop off. Every day he runs up to me and gives me a big hug and yells, "Bye teacher! You're the best!" Then, he lowers his voice so only I can hear, and in a voice that can only be described as the House-Bunny-Exorcist voice he says, "I love you." It is so awesome.

On the fourth day of Christmas, 

Claudio did something else blog-worthy and interrupted important testing. The whole class was on laptops for our district-wide testing this week. I said to them, "Alright, on the count of three everyone is going to open their laptops. 1, 2, 3!"

21 laptops opened simultaneously.

"Very good. Now when I say go, everyone open your internet browser. G-"

Claudio: "NO! NO! STOP MISS EARL! BOWSER IS THE BAD GUY! DON'T DO IT!"

On the fifth day of Christmas, 

All my kids and me made pet reindeers! After they cut the reindeer pattern out, they got to decorate them however they wanted. Barrett was so excited by this project. He kept laughing and giggling and saying, "He is going to be so cute!" He would glue something on the reindeer and exclaim every single time, "Man, this just looks so cute!"

Finally, he turns to me and says, "Miss Earl, I know cool guys don't really say the word cute. And I know it's weird for such a cool guy to be saying that a reindeer is cute, but I just can't help it! He is SO CUTE!"


On the sixth day of Christmas, 

My student brought to me new detergent for my luandry. I was about to call his mom to make sure that she intended for him to give it to me, but then I remembered I was running low on detergent and accepted it for the odd-but-useful gift that it was. But still, note to all parents: if random stuff in your house goes missing there is a good chance your kids are bringing it to their school teachers.

I also got a mug and some hand sanitizer. It was a pretty good year for me. 

On the seventh day of Christmas,

Claudio interrupted our testing again - this time no lips.  I was walking around monitoring the room and every time I passed Claudio's desk he kept trying to get out of his seat to give me a hug. I kept reminding him that during tests we have to keep our pockets glued to the seat. Finally, when I saw him about to lunge for a hug the third time I said to him, "Claudio, if I see your pockets leave that seat you are going straight to a yellow card."

In an angry and threatening whisper he replied, "Miss Earl, one of these days I'm going to hug you and I'm never going to let go."


On the eighth day of Christmas, 

We did a partner math activity- and everyone learned,  minus Claudio. Knowing that Claudio has some issues focusing on his work, I paired him with one of my little know-it-alls, Katie. As I was monitoring the class, I passed them and they had most of their page filled out. Impressed, I said, "Katie, has Claudio been helping you solve the problems?"
She said, "No, not at all. I even tried to give him the easy ones, like, 'Claudio, what is three plus seven?' and all he said was something about a metal hammer. I think it has to do with Mario..."


On the ninth day of Christmas, 

Liva was sassy. No surprise there. We were talking about Christmas coming up and one of my students said something about needing to be good this week.
Me: "Remember, Santa isn't just watching you this week, he's been watching you all year to see if you've been good."
Liva: "Oh my gosh, Santa is such a stalker."


On the tenth day of Christmas, 

We played Scattergories, and my kids couldn't even beat me. 
We were playing a game like Scattergories and the kids had to think of a place that started with an 'O'.
Jorge: How do you spell ocean?
Cristian: O-C-E......  Wait, is there an S?.... Or an H?..... I think there's an A in it..... (sounds it out slowly to himself again).... there's an N..... Dude, just put sea.


On the eleventh day of Christmas, 

A mother came to me, upset because her daughter was blackmailed. 
Me: Isabella, why don't you tell me what happened.
Isabella: The boy, he dropped his book and I said, "Ha! Ha!" and he said, "That's not nice. I am gonna tell teacher." And I said, "No, don't" and then I said, "I have candy?" and he said, "Do you have blue?" And I said, "I don't have it here it's at my house. I think I have green, pink, and yellow." And he said if I brought him some he wouldn't tell you because I didn't want to get a yellow card.

How can her mom be mad at the other kid when it was basically Isabella's idea in the first place? The best part was the mom said, "Now, I had her bring the candy because she said she would and I want her to be a person of her word." Some people...


On the twelfth day of Christmas, 

We watched Polar Express and did absolutely no learning. 

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

10 Stories to Remind Myself That I Love My Kids

1. We had a member of BYU ROTC come into our class during Freedom week a couple of weeks ago. I wasn't expecting him, but I was busy and he was in full uniform, so I asked my kids if they had any questions for him (having not prepared them for him at all). The conversation went like this:
Claudio: Do you live on the street?
ROTC guy: No, I live in an apartment.
Claudio: Is it in the street?
ROTC guy: No, it's in a building. I have a home.
Claudio: Do you have a bathroom?
ROTC guy: Yes! It has a bathroom, a kitchen.. It's just like a normal house it's just a little bit smaller...
Claudio: Do you drive a car that turns into a boat?
ROTC guy: No, I do not.
Claudio: Liar! I saw it! I've seen you drive it!
I finally had to step in, "Officer, stop calling on him. The questions will only get worse."
To which Claudio responded, "Ugh Miss Earl! Don't tell him!"

2. The gym was closed because of Parent Teacher conferences, so the PE teacher came into my classroom to teach my class a character development lesson. This particular lesson was on recognizing emotions or something like that. The teacher would hold up a card that had an emotion written on it and the kids were supposed to show the emotion on their face. They went through scared, excited, happy, mad, and surprised and they were actually pretty engaged in the lesson. Then the teacher held up a new card. "Ok, the next emotion is loved." My entire class in complete synchronicity made one big gagging sound. It was awesome. The next emotion was sad and so the teacher had the kids talking about what kind of things made them sad. Claudio said, "Bullies make me sad because sometimes you have a scab and the bullies, they will pick it, and they will make you bleed. And you say, 'leave it alone so it will heal!' But bullies, they don't leave it alone! They pick your scab anyways!" The PE teacher clearly disgusted said, "Did that really happen to you?" Claudio responded, "No way. These hands are solid."

3. My boys have been really into making clubs lately, and the other day when we were cutting out one of our projects I got to witness a club meeting. It was mostly them talking about how cool it was to be in a club, then they started repeating the  phrase, "Let's kick some walnuts, bra." to each other over and over again. Not sure what that means and I probably should have made them stop, but it was too funny.

4. I took my class to the ballet to see The Nutcracker for a field trip. It was kind of a long show, and it turns out most second graders don't find ballet as interesting as I do. Still, they were very well-behaved for the show, which means they were pretty riled up on the bus ride back. Someone told a joke and it was all downhill from there. You see, with my kids you get one joke that makes sense and then ten other kids tell a variation of the joke that does not. For instance, a favorite is "Miss Earl, spell icup." " I-C-U-P" which would be funny to me if I were seven. But then it turns into, "Spell icup backwards!" "P-U-C-I" *awkward silence* "Yeah, that doesn't actually make sense. Don't tell me made up jokes."
So anyways, on the bus we got into a long string of bad made up jokes and I was just about to have them do a silent competition when Barrett said, "Hey, Miss Earl. Knock, knock."
Me: "Who's there?"
Barrett: "Interrupting starfish."
Me: "Interrupting starf-"
Barrett slapped me in the face with his hand open like a star.
I laughed so hard I cried.
And then we had a talk about how it's not funny to hit your teacher in the face. Even though it totally was.

5. After the ballet, Jose wrote a story about going to the ballet. It went like this: "First, we go on the bus. Next, we sit down in our seats. Last, I sleep. I like the ballet."

6. For the first time I caught students passing notes in my class and I was so excited to read them. Here's what they said:

On a completely unrelated note I've had to talk with Regina a lot lately about not bullying others to get them do what she wants.

7. We wrote letters to pen pals and this was Claudio's:

8. I gave the class the assignment to tell me all about a person in their family. I told them it needs to be someone that they know really well- like their mom or their dad- so that they could tell me a lot about them. They needed to have 5 specific details about that person. Here's who Ali wrote about:

Me: "Ali, are you writing about yourself?"
Ali: "Well Miss Earl, who do I know better than myself? I have A LOT to say about me."


9. Tehani: "Miss Earl, when are you going to get married?"
Me: "I don't know, eventually I suppose..."
Tehani: "I think I'm going to get married way before you."
Me: "Oh you do? Why's that?"
Tehani: "I already have a boyfriend, and you spend all your time at school where there are only little boys. And I already have a boyfriend."
Me: "Yeah I get it, thanks Tehani."


10. To celebrate birthdays in my class I have every student give the birthday kid an appreciation (Thank you Sister Payne!) We talk about how a good appreciation is something you really love or admire about the person that is not related to their clothes or the things that they own (because otherwise I would get a whole lot of 'I like Susie because she has smelly erasers and a bright pink crayon.') It was Isabella's birthday and so we were going around the circle giving our appreciations.
"I like Isabella because she is a good friend."
"I like Isabella because she is very brave."
"I like Isabella because she shares with others." Isabella was just beaming.
Tehani was last in line. She stood up and said, "I appreciate Isabella because she has A LOT of friends who are lunch ladies."
 I could not help but laugh! I tried so hard to hold it in, but COME ON. So the class all starts nodding their heads and trying to convince, "No seriously Miss Earl, she knows every lunch lady."
"She always talks to them during lunch."
"They all know her name and everything!"
"Sometimes she stays in from recess to hang out with the lunch ladies."

Happy Veteran's Day!

Here are some heart-melting letters my students wrote for Veteran's Day. 

I may or may not have cried reading through all of them. I am so grateful for this country and for all those amazing people that fight for our freedom every day. Thank you will never be enough, but that's all I've got for now. Well that, and these adorable letters: 

He's my favorite

I was on my knees at a student's desk working with them on a math problem, when Claudio snuck up behind me for a backwards hug. I gave him my standard three seconds and then said, "Ok Claudio, get back to your math."
"I'm done with it," he whispered in my ear as he laid his head on my shoulder.
Yeah, a little too cozy for a student/teacher interaction.
I said more forcefully, "Claudio, we're done with hugging. Get back to your seat."
He squeezed me tighter and said, "Just ten more minutes."

Later that same day, I was working at my desk when I noticed him wandering around the room.
Me: "Claudio, get back to work."
Claudio: "Not until you give me a two minute hug. You never give me a two minute hug!"





We take three bathroom breaks during the day (yes, three. Oh the joys of second grade.) and I am constantly having to go over appropriate bathroom behavior. "You have to flush and wash your hands every time." "No talking in the bathrooms." "No making soap bubbles." "No talking in the hallways."  "No locking the doors and crawling under them to trick people." "No talking!"
We had just got done with one of our bathroom behavior lectures and I decided to let them put it into practice by taking our bathroom break right then.
My class was awesome. As soon as they were done using the restroom, they could come and line up, standing perfectly still. They looked like two rows of tiny soldiers. They were silent! It was insane. It was wonderful. It was glorious.
Just then, the principal pops out of her office. Hallelujah!, I think to myself. She is going to be so impressed with my management.

And then I hear singing coming from the boys' bathroom.

Loud singing.

And here comes Claudio.

Hair FULL of bubbly soap.

Skipping out of the bathroom.

He runs up and stops right in front of the principal.

He looks up at her.

And then he sings, "loobedee, loobedee, looooo" as he wiggles around dancing like a lunatic looking her straight in the eyes.

Impression made. 

Claudio: "Miss Earl, Cristian A. is not giving me anything."
Me: "Well, what is he supposed to be giving you?"
Claudio: "I don't even know what it is! But he gave it to Cristian M. and Braxton and he won't even give it to me and that is really rude. But you know what Miss Earl? Santa Claus is coming and he is watching and so Cristian A. is going to get nothing for Christmas!
Did you hear me Cristian A.? Santa isn't going to bring you anything and he's bringing me Plants vs. Zombies and Mario!"






At the end of the day I always do a desk check where the kids have 30 seconds to get their desks in the straightest line possible. For the last ten seconds, I countdown from 10 and close my eyes. The rule is that when I open my eyes on 0, all students have to have their pockets in their seat and mouths shut. If they don't have both those things, their row automatically loses.

While doing our desk check today, I started counting down from ten, but I forgot to close my eyes.

Claudio ran up to me shouting, "Close your eyes! Close your eyes!"

As I started to close them I saw Claudio run and jump on top of the row of desks and surf down the row on his stomach.

And he still made it to his seat by 0.