Sunday, October 5, 2014

Off to a Bumpy Start

We were a couple days into the school year, and I was still trying to get a feel for the kids in my class. It's hard replacing last year's kids that I learned to love so much, and I was just trying to keep an open mind. I went to pick my kids up from the cafeteria one day and I was greeted by one of my little girls, Haley. 

Now Haley and I had been having a little bit of a rough time in the classroom. She kept rolling her eyes at me when I would correct her. She would groan after every direction I gave. She would talk to her neighbors incessantly. Needless to say, we weren't super best friends at this point. 

So, as I said, I walked into the cafeteria to pick up my class and Haley greets me. It is also important that you know for the sake of the story that Haley is a homely little girl who has never met a chicken nugget she didn't like*. 

* I have since learned to love her, and we're chill now, so I'm allowed to say things like that. 

Haley circles me vulture-style for a while staring at my stomach, then finally says, "Is there a baby in there?!"
I smoothly replied, "No, Haley." while trying to herd the rest of my cats together. 
She continued to stare at me. "No teacher, it REALLY looks like there's a baby in there." 
"Well there's not, so get in line." 

Yeah, in case I didn't already dislike you enough, PLEASE keep telling me about how pregnant I look. 

Oh, but this didn't end there. 

The next day, one of my other little girls approaches me at my desk and says, "Teacher, are you really having a baby? Because Haley said you're having a baby." 

The next week, Haley greeted me on two separate mornings with, "Seriously teacher, I can't believe how pregnant you look today. " 

A few days after that I was in the hall taking care of a student who was throwing a tantrum. I opened the door to my classroom and it was like cockroaches running from the light- all my students quickly dashed back to their seats and tried to look nonchalant. 
"What's up guys?" I asked, my teacher senses tingling. 
"Nothing." Haley replied. 
"We have a secret!" Josh blurts out. 
"Oh, do you? Well, fill me in. What's the secret?" I asked. 
They all looked around the room at each other, nobody brave enough to be the one to spill the beans. I kept quiet and stared them down. Second graders aren't too tough to break. 

"The secret is you're having a baby!!!" Josh finally blurts. 

And this has been a common theme in my classroom all year. 

I am not having a baby. I am, however, renewing my gym membership. 

Thanks a lot second graders.