Sunday, October 19, 2014

True Story

For all the parents that read my blog there is something you probably already knew that I did not learn until I became a teacher, and it is this:

No matter how normal or great your family is your student will say something at school at some point that is going to make you sound crazy and/or horrible. 

Now depending on your actual level of sanity, your student may have more or less ammunition to work with. But despite your best efforts or your great parenting, kids just have a warped sense of reality (they're still developing cognitively- not their fault) and they love to talk.

So when my students tell me things about their family members, I usually just take it with a grain of salt or try to sift through to the truth. That being said, I have one little boy who has told me A LOT of stories, and let's just say... I can't wait to meet his family!

*** In his family's defense, Nick has an excellent memory. Mind like a steal trap. Well, except when it comes to learning second grade concepts.... Let me explain.
One day, about the third week of school, I was sitting in my teacher wheelie chair (easily the greatest part of my job) and I was wearing a very long and flowy maxi skirt. I needed to scoot my chair forward to click something on my computer, but I didn't want the wheels to run over my skirt and cause it to be pulled down in front of my class because professionalism. So I try to grab my skirt and scoot the material from under the wheels while also trying to scoot the chair itself forward. Yes, it was as unnecessarily complicated as it sounds and basically I fell right off the chair and landed on my butt on the floor. And yea, my chair was on the tallest setting. #teacherfail.

So the class gasps and I'm laughing hysterically as I try to pull myself together and stand up without stepping on my now frustratingly long maxi skirt (which would just cause another disaster) and I say to the class, "Hey, let's not tell anyone about this, ok?" They all laughed (because, hello-teacher jokes) and we moved on with the lesson.
This story will be relevant later.***

Back to Nick over-sharing about his family!

*In the middle of the vocabulary lesson*
Me: The word is 'broken'. Can anyone think of a time when they have broken something; like a bone, a dish, or maybe a toy you had?
Nick: My cousin got really, really mad this one time, like he was so mad he was yelling a lot and his face got all red and then he just stood up and he punched a hole right through the wall of my aunt's kitchen! True story.
Me: (Frantically searching my brain for an appropriate response to that comment...)
Nick: Oh yeah! So the wall was broken! (He then looked proudly at his classmates as if to say 'nailed it'.)
Several hands shot up as students realized that Nick's story reminded them of their own similar story, but wouldn't ya know it, we ran out of time and had to move on to the next word. Funny how that happens.

*I'm sitting at my desk working as the students file in and start their morning bell work*
Nick: Morning, Miss Earl. My aunt wears diapers because she pees every time she runs or laughs. Every time. True Story. She can't help it! She just pees!
Then he threw his hands up, shook his head in disbelief and just walked back to his desk.

*Working with a small group. We were reading a book that contained a map of Mexico.*
Me: Have I told you guys yet that my brother is living in Mexico right now?
Student #1: No way! He lives there?!
Me: Yep.
Student #2: Does he speak Spanish?!
Me: He's trying to...
Nick: Does he just go out and buy fireworks every single day?! Because that's what my grandma does!
Me: No... I don't think he's buying any fireworks...
Nick: (he looked astonished- straight up baffled) Why not?? Seriously, that's all my grandma does. Buy fireworks for me. Every single day. True story.

Yeah, should be an interesting meeting. 

***Making the first anecdote relevant: Last week I walk back into my class after running down to the copy room for the teacher across the hall. She had sat in and watched my class so I could help her out. When I got back to the room, she stood up and made her way across the hall, waving to the class as she left. I stood up in front of the class to tell them what we would be doing next. Completely oblivious to me, Nick gets up from his desk and starts following after the teacher that was leaving.
Me: Nick, where are you going?
Nick: I just... I just need to tell her something.
Me: What do you need to tell her?
Nick: I... I just....  I want to tell her about the time you fell out of your chair, ok?

So don't worry parents, it's not just you your children are excited to throw under the bus. 

No comments:

Post a Comment